Have you ever been dumped right before your birthday? On New Year's Eve? Maybe even on Valentine's Day? It's not as uncommon as you might think. Did you know that special occasions could actually invite breakups to occur? Reports from readers at MarsVenus.com indicate that relationships are more likely to disintegrate during the week surrounding Valentine's Day than any other week of the year. If you've seen your relationship fall apart around a big event in your life, you are not alone!
Holidays and personal milestones are prime times to assess where you are in life and where you want to be. Many people's relationships become routine and they move along, day by day, without much reflection about their happiness. When a birthday, anniversary, or holiday approaches, the break in routine and the stress we often feel invite us to take a step back and do some soul-searching about our lives. What were you doing this time last year? Did you share a dream-come-true Valentine's Day celebration, but realize that you haven't felt the same since? Or do you recall feeling uncertain about your partner at your last birthday, and you can't believe that another year has passed, and you don't feel any more hope that you're with your soul mate? Where had you hoped to be at this point in your life?
It is very common for breakups to occur just before, after, or even during special events in your life. Sitting alone on your birthday can certainly be devastating; however, if you or your partner decides at an awkward time that your relationship isn't working, don't despair. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you, or even that they've timed it to be cruel - deep down, it's probably an issue of compatibility. That may seem like little solace to someone tearing through tissues like there's no tomorrow, but take it from the relationship experts: it's not that you're not right: you're just not right for this particular partner!
It might seem ridiculously callous to split up on Valentine's Day, or your birthday, or at any other important time, but deep down, would you really want to spend a romantic day deepening your attraction to someone who's realized that you're not the one? As much as it hurts right now, it's probably better than the alternative of being given false hope that the relationship would survive.
When a couple finds they're no longer compatible, it's time to part as friends and start looking elsewhere. Everyone deserves to be cherished and adored, and if this last relationship didn't measure up, it just means that the uncertainty phase of dating did its job, and you'll have a better idea next time of what you're looking for.
Readers tell us all the time that they feel like there's something wrong with them because their relationship fell apart - especially when important events approach. After all, who wants to go to their sister's wedding without a date?? And what kind of partner would split up with you two weeks before the rehearsal dinner? Was s/he trying to hurt you even more? The truth is probably no. S/he has just come to the realization that it's time to go your separate ways.
How will you go on? It often takes more courage to be alone than to hang onto a partner you're not compatible with. In the long run, you'll be glad you did. Will you ever find your soul mate? Yes, you will. When you're ready to start looking again, follow this simple formula for success:
- Decide what traits you're looking for in a partner, and be sure they're realistic.
- Know which qualities you're willing to negotiable on, and which are deal-breakers
- Give anyone who meets 75% of your requirements a chance - and that means at least two dates! Many people need a do-over after the first date. Give him/her the benefit of the doubt if things aren't perfect at the first meeting.
You will be successful! Breaking up is hard to do, and a good healthy cry will do a body good. Remember that Special Occasion Breakup Syndrome is more common than you may think. The timing may seem brutal, but once you're able to dry your eyes long enough to see that the sky's still blue, take some comfort in knowing that it's completely normal. And, remember: everyone makes mistakes while searching for the right person. Dating is full of ups and downs, but the difference between success and failure is being able to learn from our mistakes in order to become more discerning. If you focus exclusively on hitting a home run, your chances of striking out go up significantly. The secret to success is to get up and keep going. You can do it. Once you do find your soul mate, you will look back and realize that the unfortunate breakup really did happen at the right time for you.
